Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Serving Word Salad

Serving Word Salad: A Fable of Language teaches you how to mangle and recast common words and phrases into Neocomm. Neocomm is the next level in the evolution of language. Jargon, acronyms, and field specific terminology are all old solutions to communication problems. This is not a new language. It is a crossbreed language encompassing simplified word combinations, complexified chimeras, and reshunted word fu. Some of the vocabulary is made up of repurposed verds and adjouns. Actions can, depending on context, be in time, space or tumolt. Here's a sample: Hypertemp phils ut cont consect privo. Even without training, I'm sure that this example almost makes sense to you, the syllables hinting at fuller phrases and complex context. Actually, that sentence expands to reveal the full text of the legislation known as the "USA PATRIOT Act" from 2001. Surprised? Don't be. This is the beauty of Neocomm. It's the new way to communicate.

Thursday, December 23, 2004

Hating God Back: The Secular Humanist Philosophy of "Lethal Weapon"

Hating God Back: The Secular Humanist Philosophy of "Lethal Weapon". We all know that secular humanism hates God but did you know that this God-hating religion has a movie that lays out its philosophy? Anger and Satanism course through the every line and image of the film "Lethal Weapon". Close examination also reveals the existence of numerous subliminal messages appearing in almost every frame of the film. Scientific deconstruction of the audio tracks shows backward masked messages of a sacrilegious nature. Mel Gibson's character even says "Hate [God] back. It works for me." Also check out the companion volume Between Nothing and Nothingness: The Empty Promises of "The Matrix" and Hell on Earth.
Soulman's Review: This is the book that breaks open the festering sore that is Hollywood film. Understanding Hollywood's obsession with pervert sex and drug feeding behaviour willl change you. help jesus fight immorallity through knowing it. feed the soul devine by knowing the bad things and shunning them. denounce the ffast life of decadent Hollywood and find the behind the seens motion picture deathstyle. Do not miss this bok! jEsus is Lord!

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Pigs on Parade

Pigs on Parade is a delightful coffee table book with stunning photographs of pigs in all sorts of situations. You will laugh at their humorous escapades! You will weep as they cavort on Main St.! They are the surprise guests at a tea party! Anyone who loves pigs will love this book! There is also a short informational section on the animals. Caution: Police are sensitive about this topic and should not be given this book. They may be offended.

170pp, cloth, slipcase, 11x14. Suggested retail price: $129.99.

Sturgeon's Law: The Definitive Guide

Sturgeon's Law comes from a quote by science fiction writer Theodore Sturgeon: "Sure, 90% of science fiction is crud. That's because 90% of everything is crud." If only the percentage were that low. Recent scientific studies have refined this off-the-cuff assessment by Mr. Sturgeon. The Crud Index Study by Tartman, Shush, et al, reveal that Sturgeon was far too conservative. Unfortunately, the study has also proved that, in relative terms, the amount of non-crud approaches zero when factored into quality equations. In other words, we can safely say that 99.99% of everything is crud. I'm sorry to inform you that you are probably part of that figure.

Monday, December 20, 2004

Conspiracy of Shadows

There are many things most people do not know about the US Government and its hidden history. Chapters in this book cover such things as:
  1. The [redacted] was not written by [redacted].
  2. Ronald Reagan was [redacted and censored] by aliens.
  3. Richard Nixon often [redacted] in the Oval Office bathroom.
  4. Congress is explicitly authorized to give beautiful decorating makeovers.
There are many other secrets. But I cannot tell them to you. You see, there's this gag order, and besides, if I told you... It's a shame I can't publish this book. You might be surprised by the details historically hidden in the shadows of Washington.

Saturday, December 18, 2004

Whispers of Joy

Like the rhythms of the waves on the beach, something in you reaches for happiness and falls back. Why are you unable to find a place of joy within yourself? First you need to admit your need for love. Then you need to buy this book. Finally you must devote yourself to healing your sloppy soul. Then you will feel joy! Just remember that it is important to buy this book. Read it. Read it all at once. Read it slowly, savoring its essential truth. Read it aloud to your pet. Read it loudly on crowded streetcorners. Reading will help you know. Knowing will help you be. Being will help you buy another copy of this book for a friend. Don't let your happiness escape when you put down this book. Better yet, buy a copy and keep it in a safe so you'll always know where the source of your happiness and joy is: locked in a safe. And that will help you feel safe. See how easy it is to be happy? Surrender to joy today!

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Viking Diaries

Viking Diaries is the sensitive journey of Leaf, a young Viking seeking to understand himself through pillage and rough trade. This epic tale of life among strong, unwashed men traveling the seas is sure to be a best seller. Leaf is shy as he witnesses his first "blood eagle" but soon is begging to be allowed to perform it for the most minor of infractions. Eventually he devolops a strong, mature love bond with a sheep on the moors of Scotland. When Rosebud, the sheep, falls ill, Leaf goes on a rampage through the local village seeking medicine for her. His grief at her death is overwhelming, changing him from a young man to a young man who has lain with an ungulate. He swears over the mutton to avenge her death by inflicting a lot of pain and suffering on the world. This takes up the remaining 600 pages of this jolly historical romp. Illustrated edition available except where banned by law.

Triumph of the Stupid

Triumph of the Stupid: The Ascendancy of Dumb People in Society. In a society that calls for intelligent consideration of complex problems, we feel stupid. This book is primarily concerned with a re-evaluation of the "Peter Principle" which states that in corporations, people rise to their level of incompetence. Data suggests that Dr. Peter was far too conservative; people often rise well above their level of incompetence, particularly in government. In a culture which values "beautiful" shallow people and mocks intelligent consideration of problems, we elevate the folksy idiots to key positions of power. We allow the tantrums of petulant child-men and gruff bullies to dominate public discourse and still manage to wonder why dumb solutions keep being applied to problems. The final chapter proposes that smart people be brought down to average intelligence. Or shot. Something to keep them from being smart. I can't be smart, why should they be allowed to be smart? They just think too hard. Thinking hard should make their heads hurt like my head when I think hard. In the country of the moron, the merely stupid could be president. Like me. Or Bush.

Monday, December 13, 2004

Prison Colony

A chronicle of the modern US prison system. Life in and out of prison and the growing overlap between the two. Milestones in prison history include when the prison population became larger than the largest city in the United States. Chapters include: The Business of Incarceration; The Return of Flogging, Branding and Clipping Fingers; The Pros and Cons of Driving Prisoners Insane.

The Redemption of Lou Reed

A novel of deep psychosis, rummaging through the detritus of Lou Reed's unconscious. Like the film Being John Malkovich, we are invited to experience life through the eyes and mind of Lou Reed circa 1974. This dark parable is written in a style designed create a discontinuity of the senses. Most people begin to develop facial tics and twitches by the end of the second chapter. Sensitive people should seek the advice of their physician before reading this book. Note: The Publisher is not responsible for any subsequent heart palpatations or seizures. Drug abuse not optional.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

In My Mind

Sometimes I think of books I would like to write. Sometimes I think of books I would like to read. Sometimes I think of books I wish had already been written by someone else. Sometimes I dream of books that will never be written, not in this world. Sometimes I re-imagine real books, shaping them into a slightly different form.

The blog name is a nod to Italo Calvino's "Invisible Cities".